


hold me tight (or don't)

by partiallight



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Self-Mutilation, Set in Canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28815792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partiallight/pseuds/partiallight
Summary: Twins who are soulmates are cursed. One of them will inevitably be consumed by their desire for the other, should it remain unrequited.Kujo Tenn will go to the ends of earth to save his brother. Even if it means destroying their connection.
Relationships: Kujou Ten/Nanase Riku
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	hold me tight (or don't)

You can’t go against the law of the universe, no matter how hard you try.

And if you do, you will be punished.

Star-crossed lovers are reborn as twins, only for one of them to slowly wither away. That is their fate.

Kujo Tenn does not believe in fate. He’ll shatter it, and his cursed heart with it.

* * *

From a young age, Riku has been frail. That was the first warning sign.

They ignored it, hoping it would pass. But as he got older, the attacks got worse, and his condition kept deteriorating.

_ Why did it have to be him? _

Tenn would have switched in a heartbeat.

* * *

Riku would still ask for kisses when he turned seven. That should be normal, if a bit clingy, for a child, but their parents would not have it.

They’d glare daggers at Riku, and Riku would pout.

(Tenn would secretly indulge him, and it seemed to ease his attacks.)

* * *

On Tenn’s and Riku’s twelfth birthday, the mark of their doom first shows up, right on time.

Their parents pray it’s temporary, they talk to doctors, but no one can help them.

(If they could, they wouldn’t be able to afford it.)

“That’s just how it goes when you have twins like these,” is what they said, looking away from the flowers Riku had been coughing out.

Primroses, for the most part. Tenn understands; he, too, is desperate. He needs to save Riku.

When Tenn tries to tell their extended family about Riku’s name on his hip, his mother takes him aside, shushing him and telling him that  _ no _ , that’s a forbidden topic.

Never speak to anyone about this.

Riku seems to know why, because Riku never speaks of it. Occasionally, he’ll circle Tenn’s name on his body, sighing.

Tenn knows a lot for his age. Why doesn’t he know this?

* * *

On the day before Tenn’s thirteenth birthday, his rescue and the end of Nanase Tenn arrives.

“You know, there’s a cure.” Kujo’s voice is luring him into what Tenn can only assume is a trap, but he listens anyway.

_ Anything for Riku. _

“There isn’t any,” Tenn mutters, still practicing a choreography done by Zero. “We don’t even know the cause.”

The playground is empty now. Riku is sleeping, and Tenn would rather not wake him up by practicing at home.

“Is that what your parents told you?” Kujo laughs, but it sounds hollow. “No. They know the cause. After all, all twins bound by fate will have one of them fall in love.”

“In… love?”

“Have you not noticed? That boy sees you as more than a brother. Should you reciprocate, both of you might end up like this.”

“Then it’s—”

“Don’t blame yourself. Blame him, for trying to keep a star like you for himself.”   


“I would never blame Riku.”

“Then don’t. But know that staying by his side will make it worse in the long run. As you get older, he’ll want you more… and his symptoms will worsen.” Kujo looks into the distance, as if there’s more to it.

Tenn stops dancing. “What do I have to do?”

“There’s a surgery he can have that will make his life a little easier. The further you get from him, the better the results. Of course, it’s quite expensive, but if you come with me…”   


“I understand. Please let me come with you.”

* * *

The night Tenn leaves home, Riku stops him in his tracks and kisses him on the lips. “Tenn-nii, don’t go, I…”

“I know. That’s why I’m going.”

Tenn does not know if he feels the same as Riku. He doesn’t want to find out, either, and as he enters Kujo’s car, he vows to bury his feelings for Riku along with the Nanase name.

* * *

The same night, Tenn gets a call from his mother.

Riku is in the hospital. Again. He glances at Kujo. “I’ll take care of it,” he says, and he watches as Kujo files the necessary paperwork. 

In the meantime, Tenn locks himself in his room, takes a lighter and takes off his shirt.

_ Riku… _

He holds the flame to the mark on his hip.

* * *

Tenn wakes up to Riku’s face above his.

“Tenn-nii!” 

Tenn tries to get up, but he’s secured in a hospital bed. “Riku, why…”

“I could ask you that! They put you here saying you had severe burns!”

_ Did I pass out before I could do it then? _

Tenn slides up his shirt. A huge burn scar runs across his hip.

_ Good _ .

It’s then that Tenn realizes that this is a single-person room. “Did you…?”

There’s red spider lilies all over the floor. Tenn feels guilty, because he abandoned Riku. But this is the only way, the only way for Riku to live.

“Of course!” Riku has tears in his eyes. “They told me I’d never see you again so I… took my chance.”

_ Maybe I should have done that after he’s out of the hospital. _

Tenn ruffles Riku’s hair. “It’ll be fine. Do as your doctors say, and you’ll be healthy in no time.”

“But a life without Tenn-nii is…”

“You’ll find nice friends, have a fun life, and maybe I’ll call you once in a while.” Tenn does not know if he is lying to himself or Riku, and he rings the bell above his head. “I called the nurse. You’d better get back to your room.”

“...You’re cruel, Tenn-nii.” Riku runs out, trampling over the petals he’d left in the room.

* * *

After that, Tenn didn't see Riku again.

He doesn’t call him. He only stares at old pictures of Riku when Kujo is not looking. The burn scar is long covered up; Kujo has that sort of money.

‘Next time, just tell me’, Kujo had said. ‘Though I commend your commitment.’

_ Next time…? _

Tenn still wonders about those words. But no matter. Right now, he has to do whatever Kujo wants, in order to remain as far as possible from Riku.

A changed name, a changed number, a changed address.

Even if Tenn is famous now, it shouldn’t affect Riku’s condition as long as they don’t speak, right?

That’s what he thought.

* * *

A trail of white and yellow camellias decorates the hallway on the way to the stage of Music Festa.

Riku is still longing for Tenn, still waiting.

_ But I am what destroys you. _

Tenn watches as Riku’s group members struggle to cover up for the flowers, lying about how ‘they brought flowers for TRIGGER, but dropped them’. 

Nonsense. No regular flowers look that messed up.

Tenn pretends to not notice and smiles, and he makes a mental note to get medicine for Riku in case he runs into him at an event by mistake.

Of course, that is professionality, too.

* * *

When they finally speak, Tenn’s hip feels like it’s burning.

It hurts so much he wants to cry. Riku’s voice is like music to his ears, carrying him through it.

If Riku notices, he doesn’t show it.

Reconciliation feels good. Being able to acknowledge Riku as his rival feels good. Fearing to lose Riku, again…

Is unbearable.

His thoughts are all Riku. Riku, Riku, Riku. It’s been like this before. It’s how it should be— wait, no. 

Tenn ignores his desire to hold Riku tightly.

When Tenn arrives at home, the cursed mark is back.

Nanase Riku.

(He wonders if Riku’s has changed to ‘Kujo Tenn’.)

* * *

Concert scheduling forbids Tenn the luxury of having surgery to cover up the mark, so he asks for skin-covering costumes, which everyone complies with.

He watches Riku’s inability to do the encore of a concert, and a part of him wants to ignore it, but…

_ I need to act before it gets worse. _

He buys ten bottles of King Pudding, and sets off to his demise.

* * *

It gets worse from there.

Riku hates him now. Even if Tenn wants to deny it, he feels like Riku might hate him.

For being an insensitive asshole.

For being unable to say the truth.

Gaku would tell him, ‘Serves you right.’.

And he’d be correct.

It hurts. Tenn turns on the TV, and he sees Riku again. He can’t run.

He watches as Riku smiles at his members. Tenn’s vision fogs up, gets blurrier…

_ What is this? _

It’s like Riku has taken his breath away, constricting him.

Maybe this is punishment for Tenn’s sins.

Maybe this is…

* * *

When Tenn wakes up, he’s lying on the couch, with Gaku next to him. “Finally woken up, brat?”

“Tch.” Tenn gets into a sitting position. “What happened?”

“That’s what I’d like to ask you.” Gaku points at the ground.

A pile of flower petals.

Yellow roses. Truly, Kujo Tenn is a jealous beast.

“That’s…”

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I didn’t have it until today,” Tenn gets out before coughing.

This is undeniable proof. He feels that way about Riku.  _ Since when…? _

“Will you be okay?” Gaku sighs.

“I don’t know,” Tenn admits.

“Whoever it is…” Gaku ruffles Tenn’s hair. “Just tell them. What can go wrong?”

“I don’t want to hear that from  _ you _ .”

* * *

Tenn tries to ignore it at first. But as he attends concerts, his condition gets worse. 

His stamina is a mess, his voice sounds wrong, and the greenroom is littered with flowers and petals.

_ At this rate, the fans will notice. _

But most importantly…

Riku will notice.

Tenn wants to be the one to tell him. Besides, the symptoms should wear off if the feeling is mutual.

Yes. Tenn isn’t doing this so he can have Riku to himself.

He’s doing it so they can both continue being idols.

* * *

By the time Tenn arrives at the IDOLiSH7 dorm, his body feels like it’s burning.

Like something long repressed is there now, and won’t be stopped until he lets it take over.

Breathless, he says, “Riku. Can I talk to Riku?”

Osaka Sougo is the type who stammers when he sees an idol he likes, so he awkwardly directs Tenn to Riku’s room.

Tenn does not knock, instead he lets himself in and closes Riku’s door.

“T-Tenn-nii? Am I dreaming again?”

Tenn shakes his head, discarding his jacket and scarf to the floor this time.

The last time he came here, he hurt Riku.

This time will be different.

“Riku.”

“Tenn-nii…” Riku looks at him, wide-eyed, still sitting on his bed.

“Do you still want me?”

Riku blushes. “I… We’re brothers.”

“Does it matter?”

“Not to me. But, for Tenn-nii...”

“I don’t care.” Tenn walks towards Riku and lifts up his chin ever so slightly. “If I said I wanted you. Would you take me?”

The words come out on autopilot. It’s like acting in a drama. Act out the person you wish you were.

Stop being the coward who left his brother alone because he could not face his feelings over five years ago.

“I would,” Riku mutters. “Is this about…?”

“About what?”

“Your voice sounded strained lately.”

_ Shit. He noticed. _

Riku smiles. “It’s okay, Tenn-nii. It hurt, right?” He gently pats Tenn’s head.

_ Maybe I’m the one who’s dreaming. _

“Was it always like that for you?” Tenn is afraid of the answer.

“Always.”

“Will you forgive me?”

“Eventually.”

A sigh of relief escapes Tenn’s lips. Then. “What do I need to do?”

“Well, you could continue where you left off. You were going to kiss me, right?”


End file.
